Forgetting more than I can remember

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November 29, 2016 by Roy Murray

There are days when I feel like I have this adulthood craic mastered.

This morning I got up in an extra special mood. I threw myself under the shower, had a chat with the dog about he was doing in general and sat down for a good 15 minute meditation. I managed to get my breathing relaxed and had a few positive thoughts passing through my mind like cool songs on the radio. Could I put aside my secret fears about getting found out as a fraud in a society made up of super successful humans with purpose and drive? Yes, just for a day and just because I have the keys to the office and I need to open up to let the others in. I even considered for one brief millisecond that I was probably be going to be alright and could consider a flying thought for the rest of the world.

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After last nights argument with Son over having the phone in the bedroom too late I decided to send him a message letting him know that I liked his drawings that he put up on Tumblr. I had been on at him for ages to get them up and he eventually got around to it so I wanted to make sure that I acknowledged it. Kids can be so sensitive to that sort of shite.

Suitably chilled I turned on the phone and called Daughter just as I was going out the door. I usually call her much earlier but this morning I was in such a relaxed state of mind that I nearly forgot her. Crossing the road the bus pulled up and I was just at that stage where I thought to myself I can make this. If I run, I can make it. I know roughly how many people are in the queue and I knew that I would be able to make it without having a mini heart attack. I knew it was possible. This is where I combine years of experience with a daily inspection of bus timetables and queues. I ran for it and I had one of those moments where the running was effortless. Usually when I run it is a struggle. It’s not just that running with a briefcase is awkward. Years of lazy-ass lifestyle have turned me into one of those fellas that run like they have seized up.

I remember the shock years ago of entering a father’s race at Daughter’s school. It was a 100m dash and I would have won it no problem only for the fact that my legs just would not unfurl themselves. The energy was there. No question about it. I had it in me. I had the drive and the ambition to beat those other fuckers. But the legs just would not get going. By the time I got to the finish line I was really starting to open up but by then I was third last behind some guy that had never kicked a ball in his life and another fella who was just happy as fuck for no good reason.

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Anyways, this morning was not like that. I was in the zone. I was running like a Tai Chi master. From the belly. No sweating, not breath hammering out of my mouth and nose like some fart-bag. The soles of my feet bouncing off the ground. I could have ran for miles without breaking a stride instead of my usual stopping every twenty paces to bemoan the sheer stupidity of spending the last twenty years hunched over screens. I glided to the bus and got on and found a seat.

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I was half way to the city when I sat up straight in the seat with the realisation that today was the day when Son comes with me on the bus for work experience. Didn’t I spend my last waking minutes the night before giving him a lecture about leaving his phone out in the hallway and getting up early. Didn’t I order him a ticket online for the bus just before I went to bed. Didn’t I do all that and then completely forget all that and he was at home in bed? Sometimes my head does that. It is not that I forgot anything. It just was not in my head. Not a sign of it.

These are the days when I wonder it is a miracle that I get through the day in one piece.

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